Due to the effects of climate change and increased labour costs, Santa is relocating his factory from the North Pole to Blackpool in England.

Once the elves formed a workers guild, demanding higher wages and a maximum 90 hour work week, we knew we had to do something drastic.

With the amount of beans on toast and lager these workers are consuming in Blackpool each day, we may have to again, relocate. Our shareholders are still not happy and we must keep Christmas profitable, at all cost; for the shareholders, of course.