The pentagon was hacked yesterday and police say they have a suspect in connection with the malicious attack in custody. We were able to gain access to the holding cell where the suspect was being held. The suspect is none other than Thorenoussardus very own, Jeb Clemons. He gave us the following statement from the Florida Corrections Facility:
I didn’t have any idea it was the actual freakin’ pentagon. I was just tryin’ to hack into the strip joint up the road, renew my yearly pass. The strip joint is called the pentagon, ah shit, I see what happened there. Brother, I am fucked. Oh man I am so fucked.
Joe from Thorenoussardus had this to say: It hardly comes as a surprise. He’s been fired at least six times in the past year. I have to say I saw this coming.
Larry from Thorenoussardus: Jeb is so fucked. Oh man is he fucked!
Vladimir Putin commented as well: Jib, you come Russia. You work with us, no? We fix. It is no fuck. No fuck.