Man builds worlds largest fireworks display, loses one eye and several fingers.

Jeb Clemons: I tried to launch my old Chevy into space. Used a ton of explosives. That thang was almost to the moon when a bunch of rockets came outta nowhere; shot her down. Probably them North Koreans. Kim Un Fuckey Sucky. Whatever his name is.

A spokesperson from the pentagon commented as follows: Mr. Clemons has been on our radar for several years now. If this man starts WWIII, we are prepared to take measures. We have your mobile home on nuclear speed dial sir.