A new parasite is infecting sexually active males. The fly awaits, sitting on the ceiling watching you during sex and immediately after, it attacks. The fly then lays eggs in your penis, where the larvae is growing into the “Hairy Wary Scary” fly (peniscus maximus scaricus), also nicknamed “The Spanish Conquistador”. It then leaves the penis in search of a new host, typically a donkey. The same process starts again inside the donkey’s penis. It seems that it can only survive either in a human or donkey penis. It all started in a small village outside of Madrid, Spain about a year ago, believed to be ground zero for this new parasitic fly.

Dr Unc. – professor in unusual and quite deadly diseases:

“This parasite is not deadly. However, you just might want to die when the different symptoms are kicking in. Firstly the penis grows to abnormal size, and that might not seem too bad, but in the end it kind of explodes and get totally flat and hollow. That is called the pancake phase. After that the fly leaves you alone, but the infection often leads to extremely sadness and loneliness, making you almost want the fly come back. Suicide is very common in this separation phase. The good news are, that if you survive this two phases you can live an almost normal life, with your flat penis.”