Flat Earthers and their counterparts, Flat Marsers are increasing in number, gaining traction for their “theories”.

cyborg AnnA, director of research at ThorenoussardusX: It’s not a theory. There IS no body of evidence. If they’re willing to lie to themselves and each another, how can we assume any truth about their numbers?

We gained access to a Flat Earth/Flat Mars convention only to discover that the room was divided with FE people on one side and FM on the other. The meeting had devolved into a shouting match, with one side chanting “blue” and the other, “red”.

No one was listening to anyone and we soon realized that it was more important to belong to the group, any group, than anything else.

Jeb Wright (red team): Them’s some dumb people over there. Who cares about flat blue earth? RED RED RED!

anonymous (team blue): These here flat Mars people is crazy! We were here first. BLUE BLUE BLUE!

We left the convention and hereby promise our readers to never cover a story like this again. Happy Holidays to everyone on this VERY round, blue planet floating in a vast expanse of space and to the red planet, that is Mars, which is obviously, flat.