Ask Dr. Unc

Perry Mason from Utah wants to know: What is a Norwegian buttpecker?

Dr. Unc: My dear Kerry! The Norwegian Buttpecker is a very special and rare bird that can only be found on a certain mountain in Japan. It’s actually one of the deadliest birds on earth. At first sight it looks like an ordinary sparrow, but it couldn’t be more wrong. The little bird begins to stare at you. It can stare for hours without moving an inch, And then, suddenly it attacks! Always the buttocks. It’s extremely sharp beak can peck it’s way in through any material, in seconds. It always pecks a hole in the buttock’s, just the size of the bird itself, no more no less. Then the most exciting thing happens.

This Buttpecker also lives in symbiosis with a cordycep fungus, which jumps from the bird and quickly spreads into human brain to take control of all muscles. It also releases chemicals to make you calm while the Buttpecker pecks its nest in the buttocks. Finally the fungus make you climb up in a tree and bite hard into a branch. It will take a couple of weeks before you die, and meanwhile you will experience a fantastic symbiotic relationship between bird and fungus living inside of you. A happy little family. Nature can be so breathtaking!

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