The Vatican is facing a scandal of biblical proportions after the pope was caught smoking a joint.

Vatican spokesperson Marcus Sucram: No no, the pope only lit and smoked a tiny splinter of wood that came from Jesus’ cross. He smokes all kinds of relics actually. Last week he smoked a piece of Jesus’ underwear; that smell stayed with us until Christmas! So I can assure you that our dear pope is not using any illegal substances, only holy stuff for recreational purposes.