Christ what a mess. Christmess.

I don’t believe in Santa Claus or Sky Daddy or baby Jeebus.

So do I really have to do all this stuff? Yes, because my fellow humans will be so very disappointed if I don’t.

Now I suppose I’d better go clean up that angry deuce I laid under the Christmas tree last night. Don’t judge me. I was extremely drunk.


I still can’t believe it even though I know that it happened. You didn’t see it so it will be difficult to imagine, but I will try to paint a picture for you. I was sitting at an outdoor cafe with my friends Sasha and Jesús. Birds were gathering around the foot of our table. They were all the same brownish color. Sparrows? Finches? I don’t know. I live in a city and am unaware of the dark art of ornithology. One of the birds stood out. It had an attachment over its left eye, a metal wing bracket and one claw looked like it was made out of titanium! Again, it is hard to describe something you have never seen before. All I can say is that I was looking at what appeared to be a cyborg. The word CyBird echoed in my mind as the… thing… just flew away.I told my two companions what I had just witnessed.

Sasquatch, also known as Sacha, just ridiculed me. “You expect me to believe this nonsense?” Jesús joined Sasquatch adding, “yeah, and watch me turn this beer into wine and float up to heaven on a magic cloud! You one dumb pandejo!” The little green aliens at the next table were all laughing and pointing.

I stared down at the table, realizing that I had lost both contact lenses in my soup. I fished them out, gave them a blow and reinserted them back in my eyes. Sacha was just Sacha. Jesús was not Jesus, just my Mexican friend. The little green men were Boy Scouts. But the CyBird was REAL!

Aliens and UFOs

They sometimes call us aliens and UFOs. That’s just what we are! We have been placed here on earth to observe and help for the greater good. But now it’s time for us to leave, nothing can save humanity from itself. They are doomed and so is the planet they call earth. So long and no thanks, we don’t need any fish.

See ya!

New DNA and Genetic technology used by the Russian army!

It is now confirmed that The Russian army have used Smart Sharks™ in the war against Ukraine. They have been cross-breeding white sharks with the DNA of Stalin, Lenin, Putin, and a bit of Charles Manson- just to be sure. The name of this new organic killer machine is called “OligShark”.

The Black Sea is now darker than ever!