World famous London Underground will be installing a full corkscrew loop on several of its tracks. We decided that commuters have gotten bored with the system and need more excitement. When London Transport were asked whether it would work, they responded, “since when has something in The United Kingdom not worked?”
At a U.K. protest, a woman was shouting into a bullhorn: In Truss we do not Trusst. She is unTrusstable and very unTrussTworthy!
Suddenly, the crowd parted as Thorenoussardus filled the gap it had created in the mass of people. All eyes focused on the jaws of the great beast as it placed the tattered body of Liz Truss securely onto the ground before the people. Truss lay writhing before them, fully alive and relatively unscathed by the mighty teeth and jaws that recently held her. She was moist, very moist and still dripping with the saliva of the Thorenoussardus towering over her.
Collectively, the congregation turned its startled gaze upward toward the face of the looming Thorenoussardus, as though questioning their next course of action. They shifted their attention back down to Liz Truss. The square was silent as the onlookers paused, frozen in a state of inaction; a collective look of empathy saddling their faces.
A tiny little girl emanated from the forest of arms and legs, and stepping forward from the crowd, she touched the giant foot of Thorenoussardus. The great beast gave the little girl a kind sniff and a gentle nod of acceptance.
The tiny girl stepped over to Liz Truss, who had righted herself and was now sitting on the ground. The little girl knelt down and said to Liz Truss, “you have been shown mercy today. You will, in turn, be merciful” and pointing up at Thorenoussardus, “and if you don’t, my friend here is going to chew you and all your cunt fuck friends into a paste, which will be used as fertilizer”.
Thorenoussardus gasped. The crowd gasped. An elderly man voiced what everyone was thinking, “that young lass swears like a fookin’ sailor, idd’nt it?!”
Liz Truss and her party apologized profusely and went on to generate humanitarian reform that launched the U.K. into decades of economic security, prosperity and well-being for all its people.
The little girl would later grow up to become the greatest Prime Minister in British history.
Trailer park manager, Jeb Clemons says that, given the high dollar and the all-time low British pound, he’s considering relocating his entire mobile home community to Hyde Park.
Jeb Clemons: Look here. We can buy that whole dang park for pennies on the dollar and move the whole shebang to England. They ain’t even got trailer parks up there. We gonna class up the joint, make it real nice like. Who knows, we might even have enough left over to get a couple of them guards with the big funny hats. Funkingham Palace Trailer Park! Got a ring to it, ain’t it?
British Prime Minister, Biz Trust: The world economy was already in the bog. I simply decided to give it an extra flush.
As the turd circled the bowl, it cried out, SAVE ME! I’M DROWNING! Bus drivers, teachers, cabbies and electricians looked deep into the toilet bowl of horrors as the turd made another round. One of them asked, “what on earth did she eat”? Another worker responded, “our pensions”. Yet another asked, should we try and scoop it out?”
But it was too late. The turd disappeared down the pipe and was gone forever. The lingering stench would be felt for years to come.
Biz Trust lived happily ever after. The labourers, not so much. The turd went on to decimate, not only the U.K. economy, but much of Europe. The rest of the world suffered as well.
Fuck you Liz Truss. Fuck you very much.
HumanIfy 