Dr. Unc and the Space method

Dr. Unc: Welcome, Larry.
Larry: Uh…thank you.
Dr. Unc: How has your week been?
Larry: Stressful.
Dr. Unc: Why Stress? Did you see anything that upset you?
Larry: Yeah.
Dr. Unc: What was that?
Larry: I’ve been watching a lot of videos and documentaries about space recently. All this talk about Mars, Mars, Mars. I don’t know… It’s got me worried. Why, why are we going to Mars. I’m watching this and I’m thinking like if there’s something about to happen that I don’t know about?
Dr. Unc: I see. You don’t feel that you are included in this greater plan.
Larry: It’s so big! I mean, it goes on literally forever.
Dr. Unc: It’s very true, but we are all children of the stars, you know that, right?
Larry: I’m a star child…
Dr. Unc: It’s beautiful out there, isn’t it?
Larry: I don’t know if I can call it beautiful…
Dr. Unc: All the colors, all the colors, Larry!
Larry: I feel separated from it. I just feel apart from it. I don’t know how people feel that they belong in all that. I just don’t see myself as any part of it.
Dr. Unc: Relax! I have a method. I call it the space method.
Larry: Uhm…
Dr. Unc: Close your eyes!
Larry: OK.
Dr. Unc: Breath in! Breath out. Breath in! Breath out. Now, pretend that you are out there in space in a little, little spacecraft. Russian probably, might be Chinese, but probably Russian! Can you feel that you are there, now?
Larry: Yeah, but I wish there were bigger windows.
Dr. Unc: Ah, the Russians doesn’t like windows so much. Chinese though, big, huge windows. Are you alone, at this spacecraft, or is it someone else in this spacecraft?
Larry: I don’t know.
Dr. Unc: look around you!
Larry: OK.
Dr. Unc: Can you see who’s there?
Larry: Is there someone there? I feel like that it shouldn’t be someone here.
(Cat meowing)
Dr. Unc: Well…it’s a little cat.
Larry: A cat!
Dr. Unc: Yes, Boris.
Larry: Oh, that’s not so bad.
Dr. Unc: A Russian cat actually.
Larry: Russian?
Dr. Unc: Boris is a Russian name, isn’t it?
Larry: Yes, I guess…
Dr. Unc: Very good. Is there gravity inside the spacecraft?
Larry: No, I think I’m floating.
Dr. Unc: Yes, you are weightless. That’s what happens in space, Larry.
Larry: Ah, just me and the cat floating, it’s not so bad.
Dr. Unc: Can you see the claws?
Larry: Yeah.
Dr. Unc: The teeth?
Larry: Yeah, it got big teeth and claws. It’s not so bad, right?
Dr. Unc: Boris hasn’t eaten for 10 weeks.
Larry: Oh no!
Dr. Unc: Does it feel less lonely now when you know you’re not alone in this Russian spacecraft?
Larry: Yeah, I mean, I don’t feel so alone, but I think I preferred to be alone.
Dr. Unc: You don’t like Boris?
Larry: He seems threatening!
Dr. Unc: He’s just hungry.
Larry: Yeah, but…
Dr. Unc: Do you blame that little Russian cat to be hungry?
Larry: No, no, it’s not his fault, but I mean…
Dr. Unc: Are you willing to help this little cat?
Larry: Do we have any food here?
Dr. Unc: It’s you.
Larry: I’m the food!?
Dr. Unc: Boris likes soft tissue.
Larry: Soft tissue?
Dr. Unc: Soft flesh.
Larry: Soft flesh? Ahh…
Dr. Unc: Does that trouble you somehow?
Larry: Yeah, a bit, yeah. Let the cat die! I don’t care about Boris the fucking cat!
Dr. Unc: Open your eyes. Does it feel better now?
Larry: Yeah, it feels so much more relaxed now.
(Cat meowing)
Larry: No!…
Dr. Unc: See you next week, Larry.

Space Daddy

Larry: What about everyone on earth, are they still around!?
Bot: No.
Larry: What!?
Bot: They are all gone.
Larry: All gone!?
Bot: Yes, they all died from the huge asteroid.
Larry: So I’m really alone on this spacecraft?
Bot: Yes, you are the only survivor, and it’s your responsibility to bring mankind to Mars. By the way, the ship is loaded with babies.
Larry: Wait , what?!
Bot: Yes, you daddy to many now.
Larry: Why, why me!?
Bot: You are the chosen one.
Larry: I don’t like it. It’s too much responsibility! It’s making me very anxious!
Bot: Are you afraid of responsibility?
Larry: Yes, I don’t like it!
Bot: You are alone on this spacecraft together with one million babies.
Larry: No, I don’t wanna be alone with one million babies! One baby is too many babies!
Bot: It is what it is, Larry.
Larry: It’s scary!
Bot: You have to deal with this fear, Larry.
Larry: Do I have to do anything for them, like feed them?
Bot: Yes Larry, you have to breastfeed them, all of them.
Larry: But, but, my titties are not that great!
Bot: They have been manipulated.
Larry: Uhhh, do I have like one big breast or something?
Bot: No, hundreds, on your back.
Larry: These are all my worst fears coming to life! Do the babies at least like me?
Bot: Not at all.
Larry: Really, they don’t like me!?
Bot: They don’t know about you, they can’t see you, they are blind.
Larry: But, what happens when I feed them, what do they do?
Bot: They just eat and go back to sleep.
Larry: So they don’t care about me at all?
Bot: They don’t care.
Larry: Do they like my titties?
Bot: They don’t care.
Larry: How can they not care!?
Bot: They just want the milk.
Larry: Can I play with my titties?
Bot: Well, you got hundreds of them.
Larry: So I can squeeze them and look at myself?
Bot: Yes, but that is perverse.
Larry: Yeah, kind of.
Bot: What kind of Daddy are you? A pervert space Daddy?
Larry: Space Daddy is not happy at the moment…I don’t know if I like this!