Ape race

Russia has a major problem recruiting their people to join the army in the war against Ukraine. Men are hiding in the woods, dressing up like women and escaping to nearby countries en masse.

The CIA reports that satellite pictures show high activity in Russian zoos. All apes have been removed and sent to a military training camp in Siberia.

Agent Jeb Tightlip: We fear the worst! Their new monkey army can change everything. But we also have a lot of apes you know, so bring it on, planet of the apes, hell yeah, we’re ready!

Ask Doktor Unc

Junior asks: My dad says that Dinos are fake and that monkeys have nothing to do with us humans. Is that true?

Dear JR! Your dad is very much welcome to my clinic to try one of my very popular psychotherapy methods. I use VR-technology where you will meet a fake fake god that is having a discussion with both dinos and monkeys about those questions. It looks very very real, except for the god-thing, he/it is very fuzzy, hard to really grasp, kind of blurry, nah, I’m actually very disappointed on that part of this VR-app. But when thinking more on it, it’s very close to reality isn’t it? However, the dinos and monkeys are very much in HD, 3D, and in true vivid color. Dear Juno, to answer your question; It’s more likely that your Dad is fake and that he has nothing to do with either you, the great dinos or the monkeys. But to be really sure, please send him on to the clinic.

Religion for dummies

Who came up with religions, gods and all that stuff? I don’t think that the first single-cell organisms did, nor the creatures who followed or primitive lifeforms. Probably not the monkeys either, but who knows, maybe it all started there, with the monkeys?

One monkey became frustrated because he was going without sex for months. He could only watch while the larger and more aggressive male monkeys jumped from one female to another, having sex almost constantly.

The frustrated sex hungry monkey thought that there must be a way to get more attention. So he thought harder than he had ever thought before, and after a couple of days of hard thinking it struck him like lightning from above!

At night when all the other monkeys were sleeping, he started building a structure made of rocks, mud and pieces of wood. He took whatever material that was available to him.

In the morning all the monkeys came out from their caves and just as they were about to have sex again, they saw it.

The sculpture was twice the height of the the largest male monkey and looked like a more ugly version of a monkey. It was standing upright and had long, thin legs and arms. The head was much smaller than a monkey’s head but with very tiny ears and a mouth. A frightening creature indeed!

Next to it stood the artist himself with a wide grin on his furry face.

“I created this and I call it… Man!”

From that moment on, the other monkeys treated him like a god. We all understand what that meant for the future of our sex hungry-monkey-God!