Ask Doktor Unc

Junior asks: My dad says that Dinos are fake and that monkeys have nothing to do with us humans. Is that true?

Dear JR! Your dad is very much welcome to my clinic to try one of my very popular psychotherapy methods. I use VR-technology where you will meet a fake fake god that is having a discussion with both dinos and monkeys about those questions. It looks very very real, except for the god-thing, he/it is very fuzzy, hard to really grasp, kind of blurry, nah, I’m actually very disappointed on that part of this VR-app. But when thinking more on it, it’s very close to reality isn’t it? However, the dinos and monkeys are very much in HD, 3D, and in true vivid color. Dear Juno, to answer your question; It’s more likely that your Dad is fake and that he has nothing to do with either you, the great dinos or the monkeys. But to be really sure, please send him on to the clinic.

The true artist

He was a passionate artist whose work could be seen around the endless art galleries of the universe. He was especially proud of Tellus, or Earth as the silly humans called it.

He liked to create his own worlds but he loved taking on a planet that God already started. He despised everything God stood for and laughed at his natural romance, symmetry, and all messages of love and peace. His greatest source of inspiration was the Big Bang and the chaos that ensued immediately after the great explosion.

Like other true artists, he worked with various themes – anger, gluttony, sloth, pride, greed, envy and voluptuousness. He was really passionate about his work and after several eons of intense experimentation, he had refined his style, a style marked by the random, raw, broken, and unfinished – a style that was absolutely roaring with emotion in true expressionist spirit.

He had quickly discovered that man was extremely easy to deceive and since the murder of the last Neanderthal he had been busy looking after his protégés and giving them new ingenious missions. He had a lot of fun with those people, nonetheless with a man who also claimed to be an artist, an artist who at their first meeting had painted in the unimaginative naturalistic dry style that God was so fond of; mountain landscapes, picturesque villages, and other nonsense. They had been hanging out together for a few eventful years and it looked very promising. But when the “canvas” was almost done, Hitler killed himself! And then, the dissolution of the Soviet Union, on which he had spent so much time!

The true artist flew around like a deadly hot comet, with burning tail and eyes like glowing coals— to the United States, Chile, Vietnam, Rwanda, China, Yugoslavia, Afghanistan, Iraq, Burma, and several other countries. A genocide here, a natural disaster there, hotbeds of war, disease and famine, indeed he had been in and tried his utmost to create the chaos that he sought, and once again it had looked very promising. Paradoxically, God also served his purposes when the great world religions, like an earthquake, created deep abysses for men to fall into.

It was only when the man they called Putin started a new war in Europe that the true artist felt like he was done with his work on Earth. He took a last glance, nodded in satisfaction, and took off into the universe, onward to a certain red planet…