Latest news on “Russian submarine discovers previously undiscovered Batfish.”

In a shocking turn of events, a Russian submarine has discovered a previously undiscovered species of fish that resembles a bat. The fish, dubbed “Batfish” by scientists, has large wings, sharp teeth and a sonar-like ability to navigate the dark depths of the ocean.

The discovery was made by accident, when the submarine was on a routine patrol near the Arctic Circle. The crew spotted a strange shape on their radar and decided to investigate. They were stunned to see a swarm of Batfish flying around their vessel, apparently curious about the intruders.

The captain of the submarine, Ivan Petrov, managed to capture one of the Batfish with a net and brought it on board for further examination. He was amazed by the creature’s appearance and behavior. “It looks like a cross between a bat and a piranha,” he said. “It has very sharp teeth and it bit me several times when I tried to hold it. It also makes a high-pitched squeaking sound, like it’s trying to communicate with us.”

Petrov contacted his superiors and reported his findings. He was ordered to return to base immediately with the specimen and the rest of the Batfish. However, things took a turn for the worse when the Batfish escaped from the net and started attacking the crew. They used their wings to fly around the submarine and their teeth to bite through wires and pipes. They also used their sonar to jam the submarine’s communication and navigation systems.

The submarine was plunged into chaos and panic as the Batfish wreaked havoc on board. Petrov tried to regain control of the situation, but it was too late. The Batfish had damaged the engine and caused a fire that spread rapidly through the vessel. The crew had no choice but to abandon ship and hope for rescue.

Meanwhile, the Batfish followed them to the surface and continued their assault. They flew out of the water and attacked anything that moved, including birds, boats and helicopters. They seemed to have a vendetta against humanity and wanted to destroy everything in their path.

The Russian government issued a state of emergency and deployed its military forces to deal with the threat. They tried to shoot down the Batfish with missiles and guns, but they were too fast and agile. They also tried to lure them away with bait and traps, but they were too smart and cunning. They seemed to have a collective intelligence and a sense of strategy that baffled the experts.

The Batfish soon spread across the globe, terrorizing every continent and ocean. They became the most feared predators on Earth, surpassing even sharks and crocodiles. They showed no signs of stopping or slowing down their rampage. They seemed to have only one goal: to wipe out humanity and claim the planet as their own.

The world was on the brink of collapse as people lived in fear and despair. No one knew where the Batfish came from or why they hated humans so much. Some speculated that they were an alien invasion or a genetic experiment gone wrong. Others believed that they were a sign of the apocalypse or a divine punishment for mankind’s sins.

Whatever the case, it was clear that humanity was facing its greatest challenge ever: to survive against an enemy that was superior in every way. The fate of civilization depended on finding a way to stop or at least coexist with the Batfish.

But time was running out…

Sustainable Cooking – Part 1

Welcome to our online course Sustainable Cooking! This week we will teach you how to cook in KungFu-style.

Shaolin Monk and KungFu master Jeb Lee:

First, and only rule; NO utensils, NO weapons! Only hands, fingers, feet, teeth, nose, head, toes and elbows! OK! Let’s start from the beginning. First find prey. Maybe…a…Tuna fish! Yes, Tuna, let’s make sushi!

Okay, now, we have to catch it ourselves, that’s the only sustainable option. You swim, no boat! Swim and swim and swim until you are in deep waters where the Tuna’s live. Hold your breath, and dive, dive, dive deep down into the depth.

There they are, the mighty Tunas. Pick a small one, perhaps only 100 kilo. Fight!!! Strangle it, or break the neck quick and silent. No blood! Than you have to fight sharks as well. Bring the now very dead Tuna up to the surface. Swim back with it and carry it home. You might ask a friend helping you carry that 100 kilo Tuna.

Put Tuna on a large kitchen table or just on the floor. Now, tear the fins off with your teeth. Clench your fists and give it what you got! Remove head with a hard kick, tear out the guts via the anus, and chop it into nice pieces with your hands.

Bon appetite!