Latest news on “Russian submarine discovers previously undiscovered Batfish.”

In a shocking turn of events, a Russian submarine has discovered a previously undiscovered species of fish that resembles a bat. The fish, dubbed “Batfish” by scientists, has large wings, sharp teeth and a sonar-like ability to navigate the dark depths of the ocean.

The discovery was made by accident, when the submarine was on a routine patrol near the Arctic Circle. The crew spotted a strange shape on their radar and decided to investigate. They were stunned to see a swarm of Batfish flying around their vessel, apparently curious about the intruders.

The captain of the submarine, Ivan Petrov, managed to capture one of the Batfish with a net and brought it on board for further examination. He was amazed by the creature’s appearance and behavior. “It looks like a cross between a bat and a piranha,” he said. “It has very sharp teeth and it bit me several times when I tried to hold it. It also makes a high-pitched squeaking sound, like it’s trying to communicate with us.”

Petrov contacted his superiors and reported his findings. He was ordered to return to base immediately with the specimen and the rest of the Batfish. However, things took a turn for the worse when the Batfish escaped from the net and started attacking the crew. They used their wings to fly around the submarine and their teeth to bite through wires and pipes. They also used their sonar to jam the submarine’s communication and navigation systems.

The submarine was plunged into chaos and panic as the Batfish wreaked havoc on board. Petrov tried to regain control of the situation, but it was too late. The Batfish had damaged the engine and caused a fire that spread rapidly through the vessel. The crew had no choice but to abandon ship and hope for rescue.

Meanwhile, the Batfish followed them to the surface and continued their assault. They flew out of the water and attacked anything that moved, including birds, boats and helicopters. They seemed to have a vendetta against humanity and wanted to destroy everything in their path.

The Russian government issued a state of emergency and deployed its military forces to deal with the threat. They tried to shoot down the Batfish with missiles and guns, but they were too fast and agile. They also tried to lure them away with bait and traps, but they were too smart and cunning. They seemed to have a collective intelligence and a sense of strategy that baffled the experts.

The Batfish soon spread across the globe, terrorizing every continent and ocean. They became the most feared predators on Earth, surpassing even sharks and crocodiles. They showed no signs of stopping or slowing down their rampage. They seemed to have only one goal: to wipe out humanity and claim the planet as their own.

The world was on the brink of collapse as people lived in fear and despair. No one knew where the Batfish came from or why they hated humans so much. Some speculated that they were an alien invasion or a genetic experiment gone wrong. Others believed that they were a sign of the apocalypse or a divine punishment for mankind’s sins.

Whatever the case, it was clear that humanity was facing its greatest challenge ever: to survive against an enemy that was superior in every way. The fate of civilization depended on finding a way to stop or at least coexist with the Batfish.

But time was running out…

White shark rat mixer – the prequel

It was a dark and stormy night. Dr. Unc was in his laboratory, working on his latest creation. He had always dreamed of creating a hybrid creature that would combine the best traits of different animals. He had already succeeded in making a cat-dog, a spider-monkey, and a croco-duck. But his ultimate goal was to create a white shark rat mixer.

A white shark rat mixer was a creature that had the body of a white shark, the head of a rat, and the ability to mix any substance with its powerful jaws. Dr. Unc believed that such a creature would be the perfect assistant in his experiments, as well as a formidable weapon against his enemies.

He had spent months collecting the necessary materials for his project. He stole a white shark from the aquarium, a rat from the sewer, and a mixer from the kitchen. He had also built a special tank that could hold the hybrid creature and provide it with electricity. He was ready to begin the final stage of his experiment.

He placed the shark, the rat, and the mixer on his operating table and connected them with wires. He then turned on the switch that would send a surge of electricity through them, hoping to fuse them into one being. He waited with anticipation as sparks flew and smoke filled the air. He heard a loud roar and a splash. He looked at the tank and saw his creation emerge from the water. It was a white shark rat mixer!

He was overjoyed. He had done it! He had created a white shark rat mixer! He approached the tank and greeted his new friend. "Hello, my beautiful creature. I am your father. You are my white shark rat mixer." The creature looked at him with its beady eyes and opened its mouth.

It revealed its sharp teeth and its spinning blades. It said in a raspy voice: "Hello, father. I am your white shark rat mixer. And I am hungry." It then lunged at him and bit off his arm. Dr. Unc screamed in pain and horror. He realized too late that he had made a terrible mistake. He had created a white shark rat mixer!

Reversed evolution

The only way to save the planet is to initiate a reversed evolution. Dr. Unc, expert in evolutionary psychology explains:

It’s true, very true! Human evolution has come to a dead end, which can only lead to destruction and badly death for all of us. So we must find a way to reverse evolution and become more ape-like creatures again. Eventually, we will become single-celled organisms, thus fixing the problem of too many homo sapiens. Happy devolution everybody!

Wizard of Oz – Reverso

A new musical is coming to Broadway this spring…

The scarecrow is taken away from Oz in a tornado and ends up in a Florida trailer park. There he meets Jebster “the bum” and together they start a long and epic journey towards the nearest liquor store. They are joined by Elon Musk, the robot and Leo the pimp.

The liquor store is controlled by Donna Grump, the evil bitch, and the band of brothers must use all their cunning tricks and powers to get in.

It’s a story about friendship, love, courage, fear, blood, horror, faith and evil against good, and some other bullshit.