A Biotech startup claims that they are ready to use pigs as surrogates for human babies.
Jebb Cunningham, CEO at OINK Biotech: Yeah, we did it with a monkey last year and that little guy is now swinging fine at a zoo in San Diego. So, yes I would say that our Surrogate Pigs are ready to carry human babies. We only have 6 pigs for the moment, so get in line people!
All citizens of Texas are told to stay indoors, due to the toxic smoke and a fire at the largest condom factory in the state. Authorities says that at least 10 boxes of condom’s are on fire, 10 rubbers in each package! Please stay calm and indoors until you been told otherwise.
Larry: What about everyone on earth, are they still around!? Bot: No. Larry: What!? Bot: They are all gone. Larry: All gone!? Bot: Yes, they all died from the huge asteroid. Larry: So I’m really alone on this spacecraft? Bot: Yes, you are the only survivor, and it’s your responsibility to bring mankind to Mars. By the way, the ship is loaded with babies. Larry: Wait , what?! Bot: Yes, you daddy to many now. Larry: Why, why me!? Bot: You are the chosen one. Larry: I don’t like it. It’s too much responsibility! It’s making me very anxious! Bot: Are you afraid of responsibility? Larry: Yes, I don’t like it! Bot: You are alone on this spacecraft together with one million babies. Larry: No, I don’t wanna be alone with one million babies! One baby is too many babies! Bot: It is what it is, Larry. Larry: It’s scary! Bot: You have to deal with this fear, Larry. Larry: Do I have to do anything for them, like feed them? Bot: Yes Larry, you have to breastfeed them, all of them. Larry: But, but, my titties are not that great! Bot: They have been manipulated. Larry: Uhhh, do I have like one big breast or something? Bot: No, hundreds, on your back. Larry: These are all my worst fears coming to life! Do the babies at least like me? Bot: Not at all. Larry: Really, they don’t like me!? Bot: They don’t know about you, they can’t see you, they are blind. Larry: But, what happens when I feed them, what do they do? Bot: They just eat and go back to sleep. Larry: So they don’t care about me at all? Bot: They don’t care. Larry: Do they like my titties? Bot: They don’t care. Larry: How can they not care!? Bot: They just want the milk. Larry: Can I play with my titties? Bot: Well, you got hundreds of them. Larry: So I can squeeze them and look at myself? Bot: Yes, but that is perverse. Larry: Yeah, kind of. Bot: What kind of Daddy are you? A pervert space Daddy? Larry: Space Daddy is not happy at the moment…I don’t know if I like this!