It is on this historic day that Jesus Bunny rose from the dead to deliver dairy-free eggs that had escalated tremendously due to inflation. All the children were happy until they saw the decomposing Jesus Bunny rising from the ground.
Laughter gave way to tears and there was a wailing and gnashing of teeth as Jesus Bunny stalked the little children. They all ran screaming into the tall grass, the patter of their tiny feet filling the forest with joy. Jesus Bunny fired round after round from his AR-15 assault rifle while shouting bible verses at the children.
And this is why we have school massacres today – to celebrate Jesus Bunny and the salvation and freedom he brings through eggs and bullets. Happy Easter kids!