Regarding the high-profile court case Vatican v World, also known as “poopgate,” we were able to uncover previously undisclosed court transcripts.

Vatican lawyer: The word “pope” is too close to the word “poop”. We intend to own the worldwide rights for the word “poop” and promptly ban its usage.

Attorney Harry“Big” Brown: But aren’t they BOTH full of shit?

Vatican lawyer: Your honor?

Judge: Sustained!

Vatican lawyer: Your honor, if it please the court…

Judge: I’ll tell you what would please the court, I need to lay some cable.

Vatican lawyer: Your honor? Please.

Judge: Your honor pweez. I’m dismissing this case. I need a poo.

Vatican lawyer: What just happened?

Judge: Shit happened.