In the scandal of the century, it looks like Santa has [allegedly] donated his sperm over the centuries and that nearly half the world’s population could be his offspring.

Santa hunter Jeb Van Helsing: This attempt at world domination was his plan all along. He will be stopped. He will pay. There will be plenty of presents under the tree this year.

If you have any information on the whereabouts of Santa Claus or suspect that you are a victim/child of “Saint” Nick, please call toll free at 1-800-Get-Nick.