Environmental activist, Jeb Starchild is attending court and is suspected of tree molestation.
Jeb Starchild: I never had sexual relations with any tree. I do regularly hug the trees.
Prosecutor: Your honor, we have it on good authority that the defendant has on multiple occasions, in fact, had carnal relations with various trees, shrubs and other fauna.
Judge Woodworth: By the power of the great state of Mississippi, I hereby declare the defendant, Jeb Hugo Starchild, not guilty of all charges. Now c’mon up here boy, ‘cause this here judge could surely use a hug!