Many parts of the world are experiencing a heatwave, including Wales and other parts of the UK, parts of China, Greece and the southeastern United States. If you are currently in one of these locations, please remain calm. The heat will eventually move to other places or at least spread out a bit, diminishing in intensity.

If you are a flat earther, please move closer to the “edge” and altogether, flap your arms rapidly. This will help generate a cool breeze and help distribute the heat more evenly around the glob… I mean disc. We will send Thorenoussardus to assist you by fanning her tail.

When the job is done, don’t bother to walk back to the center of the… uh… flat thing. Simply throw yourselves off the edge. We will send the giant teacup around to catch you as you fall.

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